Daily Challenge

[Shade Leshyr]

Ok, first of all, this is not an OOC for a new rp, this is strictly an OOC thread. I'm making this because Buzz and I have been noticing a rather dramatic downfall in rp quality. While most of that comes from the fact that a lot of our seasoned vets have been vanishing, there's also room for improvement on the people that are still hanging around. THIS IS NOT SAYING YOU GUYS ARE BAD RPERS, THIS IS MERELY STATING THAT THERE IS ROOM FOR IMPROVEMENT. Buzz and I would like to help you guys improve, so this is just a little thing we're going to try and see if it helps bump up the quality of our rp experience.

Every day, I will post a scenario that has multiple ways you can come at it and your challenge is to simply write a post that earns Buzz's seal of Approval. You have ten tries per day to earn that seal, ANY ADDITIONAL ATTEMPTS WILL BE DISREGARDED. So, without further ado, we'll start with something relatively easy:

It is a bright, sunny afternoon, perfect weather for swimming, so everyone you know is at the beach and they finally talk you into going. You gather up your swimming suit and make your way to the street, heading in the direction of the lake. The town you live in isn't all that big, the largest building being the supermart in the middle of town. Slowly, you grow aware that there are at least three people following you at a distance...

alright, let's see what you guys can do. For this, I'm going to let you each run the situation to your own preferences to see what you're going to want to lean to doing.

[aires163]

First I would notice their presence. Then just keep going, if they continue to follow stop and ask who they are.

[Buzzwolf]

Alright, I'm gonna clear some things up here before this gets going anymore

WHAT'S EXPECTED;
An RP post. simple as that. this first 'challenge' will be a base line for myself and shade to get an idea of you're posting when thrown into a random situation. you may use any character, any style or format you like or are comfortable with. the objective, is to see how you play your character in terms of how they behave and react to the given situation by your hand.

once there's a baseline established, we'll be able to start tipping you on how to improve on the posting, things to be fixed, etc.

I'm gonna say rather than ONE day on this first one, I'll give a couple days, or till I see all the players I expect posting. from there, we'll see where it goes.

good luck, and god speed XP

[arinot]

For the sake of this challenge, I am going to refer to all my PC characters as Ari.
also This screams of zombie scenario... but I don't know they're zombies... let's do this

Ari looked behind him to see those three same people still following him. They didn't pause or anything, just continually slugged along. It was almost unnerving, but he thought about it a second. They were just walking and they weren't exactly close. In fact, they were at least a block behind. If he picked up pace, he could probably loose them!

Ari's unnerved speed walk slowly evolved into a solid jog, putting more and more distance between him and those creepy three people until he made it to the lake path. He then carefully took his time to push the rustling foliage away from himself and made it to the lake...
and yet something still didn't feel right, but for now he was going to have his dose of fun for the day.

[aires163]

Kevin had noticed the people following him. He continued along and noticed they were still following him. He stoped and turned around. "Um excuse me but...can I help you guys?" Kevin asked.

[Takeru]

Oh how fun! I'll give it a shot, but knowing so very little about the situation makes it hard to decide what to do, but then again, I guess that is the point. I will refer to my character as Takeru.

Takeru hummed happily as he walked down the street, eager to join his friends at the beach. He smiled as the sun shone on his face, but something seemed off in the back of his head. He looked around and noticed a small group of people behind him, but at first shrugged them off, knowing that it wasn't uncommon for people to be on this road. He took a few shortcuts, much less common for people to be on, yet the people still followed. He started to panic, his mind jumping to all manner of conclusions: Muggers, rapists, strange government agents come to question him about an intergalactic conspiracy that he didn't know he was involved in. Takeru swallowed hard, and began to sprint, wanting to get as far away from the people as he could.

[Iseeyouthere]

At first, Rosa took no notice of the three who were following her. So they were heading in the same direction as her. Big deal. It was a hot day, so its natural that everyone would be heading to the beach. But after another few blocks, she began to feel uneasy. They weren't talking or laughing with each other and they had rather blank looks on their faces.

Remaining calm, Rosa decided to test if they were really following her. She began to speed up slightly in her pace, not too much, but enough to increase the distance between them. They didn't seem to be in any hurry to catch up... at first. One of the group broke out into a jog and the rest followed, closing the distance again, only this time, they were coming in closer.

Rosa quickened her breathing.
Its ok... Just... get something ready... she thought to herself, dipping a hand into her beach bag and grabbed her house keys. She fitted them in a way were a single key stuck out from in between her fingers. With her hand hidden, she prepared herself for any movement by the three.

The trio came closer.
Rosa gripped her keys tightly.
The sounds of their footsteps could be heard now, getting louder.
Rosa tensed her arm, ready to lash out if needed.
The trio came up closer enough to be seen out of the corner of her eye.
Rosa held her breath.


"Beep beep. Beep beep."

The trio slowed from their jog, quietly passing her before returning to their walking pace. On one of the trio's hips, the one who started jogging first, was a small device. Rosa identified it as something that records heart beats. It was still beeping for a few seconds after they stopped jogging.

Rosa released the keys from her grip and let out her held breath silently. It was just a heart patient and his friends out for excerise. She swore at herself for being so paranoid. Yes, there had being two kidnappings of women in her town recently, both resulting in them being drugged and raped, but she was a strong female.

Shaking her head, she continued towards the beach, eager to get the thoughts out of her head. Maybe she'll start by teasing the lifegaurds.

[Buzzwolf]

Well this came out rather different from how I was expecting...half the interest comes from the few experienced players we have! ROFL I'll be working on my write ups for the initials and have the post up later on this evening...Icey, Arinot...expect much less than the other two...if any...no offence...I'll see if we can't set up more 'challenging' posts for you guys to reply to for future posts.

[Buzzwolf]

Apologies about not getting this up yesterday, shit got in the way. First round is done. I'll be talking with Shade soon here to get the next one up.
______

Ari looked behind him to see those three same people still following him. They didn't pause or anything, just continually slugged along. It was almost unnerving, but he thought about it a second. They were just walking and they weren't exactly close. In fact, they were at least a block behind. If he picked up pace, he could probably loose them!

Ari's unnerved speed walk slowly evolved into a solid jog, putting more and more distance between him and those creepy three people until he made it to the lake path. He then carefully took his time to push the rustling foliage away from himself and made it to the lake...and yet something still didn't feel right, but for now he was going to have his dose of fun for the day.

I must say, using zombies, is verrrry creative! definately wasn't the first thing I thought of when I read it XP

My only 'major' comment for you is probably post length. with no other character interaction, it gives more room to play with and make longer posts. I've seen you make longer ones so i have to assume it's a sorta 'testing the waters' post.
_______

Kevin had noticed the people following him. He continued along and noticed they were still following him. He stoped and turned around. "Um excuse me but...can I help you guys?" Kevin asked.

Aires, man...you've managed to hit the absolute minimum possible with that post. you need to flesh your posts out on a MAJOR level. I see it pretty frequently in your actual RP posts as well. you do things on the simplist levels, giving nothing but the base reaction. open your reactions up, expand on the situation.

Also, immediately turning around and asking what they want? think about that in real life. is that something you might actually do? if they were actually posing a threat, what would happen then, if they weren't, you'd probably end up doing that to anyone and everyone that happened to be going the same way as you. I know, they say confronting the problem is the best solution, but not always. think of how you might react in real life to a situation like this. more than likely, you're going to find out first if they're really following you, a glance over your shoulder now and then, make a couple unusual turns to get to the same place, see if they're still following you, then prepare for the worst without alerting them if they are.

Big points; Elaborate more, think about the reactions more, and try to write up more than the minimum.
______

Takeru hummed happily as he walked down the street, eager to join his friends at the beach. He smiled as the sun shone on his face, but something seemed off in the back of his head. He looked around and noticed a small group of people behind him, but at first shrugged them off, knowing that it wasn't uncommon for people to be on this road. He took a few shortcuts, much less common for people to be on, yet the people still followed. He started to panic, his mind jumping to all manner of conclusions: Muggers, rapists, strange government agents come to question him about an intergalactic conspiracy that he didn't know he was involved in. Takeru swallowed hard, and began to sprint, wanting to get as far away from the people as he could.

I'll be honest, I was actually looking forward to seeing your reply to this after watching some of your reactions in Heroes. the government plot is a very amusing take on it! very creative I must say! It's a very good initial post, good elaboration and detail, little points and everything as well. it's good to see new RPers popping in that seem to have some kind of experience already going into it XP
______

At first, Rosa took no notice of the three who were following her. So they were heading in the same direction as her. Big deal. It was a hot day, so its natural that everyone would be heading to the beach. But after another few blocks, she began to feel uneasy. They weren't talking or laughing with each other and they had rather blank looks on their faces.

Remaining calm, Rosa decided to test if they were really following her. She began to speed up slightly in her pace, not too much, but enough to increase the distance between them. They didn't seem to be in any hurry to catch up... at first. One of the group broke out into a jog and the rest followed, closing the distance again, only this time, they were coming in closer.

Rosa quickened her breathing.

Its ok... Just... get something ready... she thought to herself, dipping a hand into her beach bag and grabbed her house keys. She fitted them in a way were a single key stuck out from in between her fingers. With her hand hidden, she prepared herself for any movement by the three.

The trio came closer.

Rosa gripped her keys tightly.

The sounds of their footsteps could be heard now, getting louder.

Rosa tensed her arm, ready to lash out if needed.

The trio came up closer enough to be seen out of the corner of her eye.

Rosa held her breath.

"Beep beep. Beep beep."

The trio slowed from their jog, quietly passing her before returning to their walking pace. On one of the trio's hips, the one who started jogging first, was a small device. Rosa identified it as something that records heart beats. It was still beeping for a few seconds after they stopped jogging.

Rosa released the keys from her grip and let out her held breath silently. It was just a heart patient and his friends out for excerise. She swore at herself for being so paranoid. Yes, there had being two kidnappings of women in her town recently, both resulting in them being drugged and raped, but she was a strong female.

Shaking her head, she continued towards the beach, eager to get the thoughts out of her head. Maybe she'll start by teasing the lifegaurds.

Icey, yours is quite easily, my favorite of the three XP very creative and in the complete different direction from what was expected. and executed perfectly on top of it. I can't find anything about this to pick apart. we're definately gonna need a more challenging design for ya to work with for the next round XP

[Takeru]

Hehe, Thanks for the feedback. I actually think that every time I see a group of people I don't know, or a car, follow me for a significant distance. I am a paranoid little guy.

[Iseeyouthere]

we're definately gonna need a more challenging design for ya to work with for the next round XP

Bring it on
>=D

[Poliwirl100]

Dammit I finally get on the OOC and see an improvement rp topic and the first round is over DX....I'll try to get on the OOC more often now....

[Buzzwolf]

Dammit I finally get on the OOC and see an improvement rp topic and the first round is over DX....I'll try to get on the OOC more often now....

Go ahead and write up a post for it if ya like, I'll critique it seperatly an catch ya up right quick while we wait on shade to get a new piece written up

[Poliwirl100]

It is a bright, sunny afternoon, perfect weather for swimming, so everyone you know is at the beach and they finally talk you into going. You gather up your swimming suit and make your way to the street, heading in the direction of the lake. The town you live in isn't all that big, the largest building being the supermart in the middle of town. Slowly, you grow aware that there are at least three people following you at a distance...

Xan scoffed as he shuffled at his own pace away from the beach, his friends finally talking him into going for "Boy scouting" they had said. 'Why am I the only gay guy that they chose?' he thought to himself. It was a long sun filled day that gave him blistering sun burn, pounding headaches, and made him feel even more insecure about his body. He grew sick of the sun, waves, and "Boy scouting" quite quickly and decided to head home after three boring hours once the crowd showed up always being asked "Does he look gay to you?" "Is this guy gay?" and the dreaded question due to Xan already on the "Teach-A-Lesson" list by the local jocks "Doesn't he have a nice body/ass?" He was caught looking once by a guy and he looked away blushing. He would have stayed longer after finding each of his three girl friends a boy to flirt with but his real reason for leaving had started arriving. Seagulls. Xan was terrified of seagulls almost as much as he was spiders. One landed quite close to him as he huddled up to himself in his navy blue hoodie and blue sport shorts and he just got up and left.

It was getting dark. it was dark enough to where you'd need your headlights yet light enough to where you could see without them, kinda like a blue filter in a good horror movie. He was contemplating how well the day went when he heard something behind him. Stopping for a second it sounded like three somethings, three very drunk somethings. He looked behind himself and saw the jackasses that had made his senior year in high school living hell. Xan started walking again when he heard something "HEY FAGGOT!" from behind him. It was Adam the only human out of the three and probably the most hateful out of them all. Adam was known to follow students he didn'tlike in his car to corner them and throw eggs at them, the guy was a complete dueche. The tallest of the two was Tyler, a lion. He was your typical basketball jock, not to skinny yet not to muscular. The other guy was Jessie, he was a rabbit from the track team. He didn't talk much but out of all the people Xan knew he hated gays the worst. Xan lifted his hood up and covered his husky like ears, himself being a fox/husky hybrid or a fusky. Xan continued to speed up his pace to where he was almost power walking. But before he knew it he was being dragged backwards, his fox tail being dragged underneath him. "Hey lookie here boys, I gotta fox thing" Jessie said slowly in a slurred manner. Tyler laughed "Who wants to find out if he's catching or pitching?" he joked. Adam just smiled "All we gotta do is punch him hard enough and he'll pitch for the right team this time right?" Xan hated all three of them and pretended to struggle as Jessie dragged him. The rabbit smiled "Oh he's feisty." He heard one of them pick up something hollow from the road when he made his own move. Quickly with his adrenaline pumping he unzipped his hoodie, slipped out, and ran. He knew he wasn't fast enough to outrun Jessie but the rabbit was slow to realize things.

Xan made it about a block before getting tackled. "You sure can run." The rabbit said as Xan struggled underneath him. Tyler helped Jessie hold Xan as they 'helped' him up. Adam smiled and hit Xan in the gut with pvc pipe which stung more than it actually hurt but it still knocked the wind out of the victim. Xan slumped and caught his breathe as Adam tossed the hollow tool aside "Now the moment you like pussy then you can go but until then," he hit Xan across the face "you're gunna get it" Adam pulled out his phone and pulled up a picture of his girlfriend topless "Does this turn you on?" Xan shook his head only to get hit again and asked the same question. The process lasted about five or six rounds until Adam decied to change the picture "How about this?" he said as he showed Xan a picture of the blue waffle, a picture which resulted in Xan throwing up. Adam laughed "Well you know what's good pussy at least." he was half way to Xan's gut when a voice called out "HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" the guy it belonged to was a red fox with blue head fur and a blue tipped tail. Seeing the person Jessie and Tyler both dropped Xan on his face and ran with Adam. The fix ran up to Xan and helped him up "Hey are you ok?" he asked. Xan shrugged "I've been better." The fox took off his jacket and gave it to Xan after xan took his puke stained shirt off "Here it's chilly. What were they doing?" he asked. Xan sighed and started walking again "Teaching me to be straight..." he said as he looked over at the fox who was coming with him "I never caught your name." The fox laughed "I never gave it but it's Kazuma. C'mon I'll walk you home." he said as he put his arm around Xan that would seem friendly to many but to some it would seem to say "Mine". Xan smiled, feeling comforted "I'm Xan"



And that ends my response. Sad thing is is that I didn't even try when I wrote this, just mixed a few real life experiences with a slight fantasy

[Buzzwolf]

Xan scoffed as he shuffled at his own pace away from the beach, his friends finally talking him into going for "Boy scouting" they had said. 'Why am I the only gay guy that they chose?' he thought to himself. It was a long sun filled day that gave him blistering sun burn, pounding headaches, and made him feel even more insecure about his body. He grew sick of the sun, waves, and "Boy scouting" quite quickly and decided to head home after three boring hours once the crowd showed up always being asked "Does he look gay to you?" "Is this guy gay?" and the dreaded question due to Xan already on the "Teach-A-Lesson" list by the local jocks "Doesn't he have a nice body/ass?" He was caught looking once by a guy and he looked away blushing. He would have stayed longer after finding each of his three girl friends a boy to flirt with but his real reason for leaving had started arriving. Seagulls. Xan was terrified of seagulls almost as much as he was spiders. One landed quite close to him as he huddled up to himself in his navy blue hoodie and blue sport shorts and he just got up and left.

It was getting dark. it was dark enough to where you'd need your headlights yet light enough to where you could see without them, kinda like a blue filter in a good horror movie. He was contemplating how well the day went when he heard something behind him. Stopping for a second it sounded like three somethings, three very drunk somethings. He looked behind himself and saw the jackasses that had made his senior year in high school living hell. Xan started walking again when he heard something "HEY FAGGOT!" from behind him. It was Adam the only human out of the three and probably the most hateful out of them all. Adam was known to follow students he didn'tlike in his car to corner them and throw eggs at them, the guy was a complete dueche. The tallest of the two was Tyler, a lion. He was your typical basketball jock, not to skinny yet not to muscular. The other guy was Jessie, he was a rabbit from the track team. He didn't talk much but out of all the people Xan knew he hated gays the worst. Xan lifted his hood up and covered his husky like ears, himself being a fox/husky hybrid or a fusky. Xan continued to speed up his pace to where he was almost power walking. But before he knew it he was being dragged backwards, his fox tail being dragged underneath him. "Hey lookie here boys, I gotta fox thing" Jessie said slowly in a slurred manner. Tyler laughed "Who wants to find out if he's catching or pitching?" he joked. Adam just smiled "All we gotta do is punch him hard enough and he'll pitch for the right team this time right?" Xan hated all three of them and pretended to struggle as Jessie dragged him. The rabbit smiled "Oh he's feisty." He heard one of them pick up something hollow from the road when he made his own move. Quickly with his adrenaline pumping he unzipped his hoodie, slipped out, and ran. He knew he wasn't fast enough to outrun Jessie but the rabbit was slow to realize things.

Xan made it about a block before getting tackled. "You sure can run." The rabbit said as Xan struggled underneath him. Tyler helped Jessie hold Xan as they 'helped' him up. Adam smiled and hit Xan in the gut with pvc pipe which stung more than it actually hurt but it still knocked the wind out of the victim. Xan slumped and caught his breathe as Adam tossed the hollow tool aside "Now the moment you like pussy then you can go but until then," he hit Xan across the face "you're gunna get it" Adam pulled out his phone and pulled up a picture of his girlfriend topless "Does this turn you on?" Xan shook his head only to get hit again and asked the same question. The process lasted about five or six rounds until Adam decied to change the picture "How about this?" he said as he showed Xan a picture of the blue waffle, a picture which resulted in Xan throwing up. Adam laughed "Well you know what's good pussy at least." he was half way to Xan's gut when a voice called out "HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" the guy it belonged to was a red fox with blue head fur and a blue tipped tail. Seeing the person Jessie and Tyler both dropped Xan on his face and ran with Adam. The fix ran up to Xan and helped him up "Hey are you ok?" he asked. Xan shrugged "I've been better." The fox took off his jacket and gave it to Xan after xan took his puke stained shirt off "Here it's chilly. What were they doing?" he asked. Xan sighed and started walking again "Teaching me to be straight..." he said as he looked over at the fox who was coming with him "I never caught your name." The fox laughed "I never gave it but it's Kazuma. C'mon I'll walk you home." he said as he put his arm around Xan that would seem friendly to many but to some it would seem to say "Mine". Xan smiled, feeling comforted "I'm Xan"

Well, I'll be damned. You have just skyrocketed the bar of expectation in your posts now XP still though, I've got a few things for ya...

First off, you're use of 'speakers', traditionally, you start a new paragraph with new speaakers, it brings down on the chaos and confusion of the single paragraphs. things get a bit disorienting with all the switching up you do between speakers in the various paragraphs. also your continous use of specific names over and over makes things seem even more chaotic, I know, it seems like it would make it more clear who was speaking, but because of all the names it feels easier to lose track of who's doing what.

Next thing is everything is too specific, leave a little air of mystery about some of the EXACT details rather than 'the pvc pipe', it was better at some random stick like object. it gives everything too much of a narriated feel rather than telling the story...almost like an thrid person telling the story rather than from the character viewpoint. now don't get it wrong, that's not a bad thing, but you gotta mix the two up a little bit better. take the seagulls section for example, rather than simply stating it to the reader, give a personal level reaction of the character, a shudder, a chill of the spine at the thought of the seagulls. something that pulls the reader to a deeper level in the story, getting a sense of emotion from it as opposed to raw fact.

Last thing is, you seem to simply 'state' a reaction or movement rather than actually playing them out. the zipper simply 'came undone' he was simply 'caught' by the hare. that kinda thing. elaborate, go into detail. "He tugged at the zipper, struggling with it a moment before the teeth released their grip and the fusky tumbled free adn stumbled to his feet, taking off at a sprint as he found his feet under him", or "it wasn't till three blocks later that they got him, the tackle came out of the dark with enough force to send the pair tumbling in a heap of fur as the hare wrestled the boy to the ground" something like that. make the posts 'pop' so to speak. it makes it more interesting to read.

other than that, as I said before, you have just set the part at 30,000 feet, i expect to see that level of detail in everything you post, not just skimpy ass minimalistic posting you've been so famous for previously XP